Out of the Frying Pan...

[Jax]

They were away, and Jax breathed a huge sigh of relief and let out an animated cheer. That one was close, even for me he thought. With the streams of stars passing in the viewscreen, he set the Aria to autopilot and unstrapped himself from the pilot seat and started down the hall to find Sol.

When he came down to the hallway that the turret tower was in, he found Sol and Sheila tangled up on the floor by the ladder. His classic smirk crossed his face and he held out a hand to help Sol to his feet, then the two of them got Sheila back on her feet. Turning to Sol with a grin as big as a bantha, he clasped Sol's shoulder and said beaming, "Sol, I have been a pilot for many years, but I have never had a gunner that kept up with me as well as you did! That was superb shooting my friend!"

The two walked back into the maproom, and took seats in the two leather chairs in there. Jax pulled out a cigarra and lit it, taking a few drags on it. He offered one to Sol and then he said, "We're making a stop at the Taris system, and we're going to need to get some repairs done on the Aria if we want to go on anymore of your crazy adventures. After we do that, what's our next move?"

[Solomon Kurro]

Sol groaned as he allowed himself to be pulled to his feet. "Ahh... Thanks Jax." Sheila was next, and it wasn't long before she was up and about, doing whatever droids do on Deepwater models.

Sol grinned a small smile back, fixing the blindfold he wore back into place from where it was twisted a little. "I've had some experiences in the past, some involving gunnery work. I was also a fair pilot for a time, but some of those loops back there in Mandalore space... I wouldn't have been able to finish them. I got lost somewhere before the middle. Between the two of us, we ought to just go back and take them out." Sol's smile widened a bit more.

As they entered the maproom, and had a seat, Sol turned his attention to the map. "Taris is good. We should be able to find someplace to stay under cover there." He noticed the offered cigarra, and regarded it without looking away from the map, after a moment though, he raised his hand waving it away. "Another crazy adventure, hmm?... I need to report to Nal Hutta. There's also a certain reward I'd like to press for... After that, if the Hutts don't have anything on hand for me to do, I'll find something. I've taken on too much responsibility for my Jensaarai to stay still for long."

Sol stopped, turning his head towards the smuggler. "You're probably wondering what a Jensaarai is, right about now."

[Jax]

Jax leaned back in his chair, grateful to finally be able to take his time without having Basilisks or Mandalorians breathing down his neck. He took a big drag of the cigarra, taking note of the subtle sweetness to its flavor and allowing the taste to caress his tastebuds for a few seconds before exhaling a smoke ring (politely not in the direction of Sol) and saying, "Yes I am, and I believe you are also probably wondering why I was exiled from the Jedi and stripped of the force. But you seem to want to go first, so tell me friend...what exactly is a Jensaarai?"

[Solomon Kurro]

Jax was right. Solomon had not forgotten about the man's exile from the jedi, but he already knew a little of that story. Jax deserved some explanation on what Sol was now.

The Miraluka leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, and his chin on his hands. He considered for a moment. Even he didn't have much of the history of the Jensaarai. He'd learned from an old man on a backwards world in the boondocks of the galaxy, and not enough history had been covered in his training. He did have a few possible leads though, and one of these days, he intended to go and try to seek out the roots of his beliefs.

"That's a fairly deep question Jax, like asking what a ship is. Is it a form of transport, or an engine, a cooling system, circuitry, and landing gear? The simplified answer is that Jensaarai are devoted to the safety and peace of the weak." Sol leaned back in the chair, trying to relax into it's comfort. He'd never tried to explain the Jensaarai to an outsider before. It really made him think about all of his beliefs. "It is the duty of those who are strong enough to govern to ensure that peace remains, and it is the duty of the weak to become the strong." He wasn't speaking of physical strength, but of determination, and will power. "Perhaps a bit too grand for the galaxy at large to take up, but we believe it. Unfortunately we are still very small. For the time being, I've devoted myself to increasing the reach of the Jensaarai."

Sol shook his head slightly. "I've been training as a Jensaarai for a decade... more, and I've rarely tried to explain us. You'd think I'd have made more chances for myself."

[Jax]

Jax nodded and listened attentively while Sol tried to explain what the Jensaarai were and what they believed in. "No that's understandable. I remember several Jedi from my days in the Temple who wouldn't have been able to explain what the Jedi were and what they believe in. It's tough when you're raised believing something to put in to words exactly what you believe; beliefs seem to come more from the heart than from the brain."

Jax took another drag on his cigarra while Sol continued his explanation. Sol stopped and seemed to search for his words, so Jax tried to summarize what Sol had explained already, to see if he had understood it properly. "So basically the Jensaarai believe in looking after those too weak too take care of themselves, while also defeating those who misuse their strength and helping make the weak stronger? Am I understanding you right?"

[Solomon Kurro]

Apparently, he'd made it somewhat understandable, if Jax had picked up on it that quick. "That's exactly it, but it's more than that. The strength that we aim for, it's not martial abilities, though we hold those very highly. We aim for strength of the mind. Merely controlling our emotions is not enough. We train to become free from their control."

He wondered if this really made any sense. To him it was perfectly clear, he'd lived it for years, but to a former jedi, the taboo of emotions may still be ingrained into his mind. It was always the emotions that caused the jedi to fall, so the stories said. The only true escape was not to resist them, limit them, run away, but to confront one's emotions, allow them to affect you how they would, yet refuse to allow them to sway you.

"With that said, emotions are a part of us. It would be wrong to deny this as I've heard the jedi do. We learn to use the full strength of our feelings, but we do not depend on them, as others do."

The sith were who he was speaking of here, of course. They gave into their feelings drawing strength from them. Even the jedi sometimes used their "righteous" fury. It was still channeling anger, as far as he was concerned. Solomon would be the last to discount the power of emotions, but he believed in achieving the strength he needed without their help. He wanted to arrive at a place in his control, like a beach. A place where he could walk along the edge, just without the reach of the ocean. Then, when he deemed it appropriate, he would wade out into the waters of emotions, but would not let himself be swept away by the tides around him. It was a dangerous path, but he had a purpose, a goal that he was aiming for. That would keep him on the right path.

"I suppose the jensaarai way could be summarized by saying that it is a way of accepting the truth of who you are, and then learning to master yourself." Sol was thoughtful. Was that really what he'd been practicing all these years? Empowering the weak, and mastering his mind? It sounded so noble when explained as such, but it was simply the normal practice of life for Sol. There were limits of course, to how benevolent he was. He could remember several times that he'd helped people, over the years. Other times he had refused. People had to learn to do things for themselves or else they'd never get on the true path.

[Jax]

Jax nodded with a smile, proud of himself for grasping the concept of the Jensaarai so quickly. In truth the concept wasn't entirely complicated, but Jax imagined that putting it into practice was more difficult that mere comprehension. Still the philosophy seemed to fit Sol's determined personality and it gave a glimpse into the motivations that drove Sol.

When Sol was finished Jax cleared his throat and said, "Well that makes a lot of sense, I would bet that that philosophy helps you deal with adversity very easily." He paused for a second, aware of the conversation that was about to ensue and trying to think of how to start and which details to include. It was an intensely personal memory and it wasn't a story he had shared with very many people.

Jax took a deep introspective drag from the cigarra and then said in a tentative tone, "I suppose that makes it my turn, and please excuse my uneasiness. It's not that I do not trust you with this information; these are just painful memories and it is difficult for me to...well it's hard for me to wade in them."

He took a deep breath before continuing, "When I was in the Jedi Order I was never very good at following the letter of the law. I was something of a prodigy, my connection to the Force rivaled that of the Masters on the Council. I had a curiosity that burned as hot as the Tattoo suns, and I wanted to learn every possible application of the Force that I could."

Jax blew another puff of smoke, "Of course that didn't sit well with the Masters. I remember getting into many an argument with the Masters in charge of the Temple Archives after trying to access holocrons of dangerous Force techniques. They were always trying to enforce the boundaries and I just kept toeing the line.

"My classmates hated me too, I was usually the best in most of my lessons and I was constantly making them look bad. I didn't try to, but whenever we grouped up for lessons I seemed unable to make mistakes and I tended to impress the Masters more than the others. As a result, I didn't have many friends when I was growing up, most of my peers either despised me for my skills or feared ridicule if they decided to befriend me."

Jax let out a deep sigh, rubbing the corners of his eyes trying ot hold back tears. "And then I met Aria," he said, gesturing at the ship around them, "This ship's namesake. She was another apprentice about my age, a little younger. Some people believe in kindred spirits...I was not one of them until I met Aria. Her spirit was so full of life, brimming with enthusiasm and energy. I was in love from the moment I met her, every moment I was with her was like paradise. I knew that Jedi forbade attachments and she did too, but we didn't care. We lived a secret double life and it was thrilling; it was as if suddenly we had found the reason for the existence of life, and everything made sense.

"That was until the day Aria and her master went to investigate some stirrings near some ancient Sith tombs on Korriban. Apparently some cult had been making stirrings in the area recently, and the Jedi Council wanted to make sure that they weren't about to cause trouble. So they sent Aria and her master to gather intel on the group.

"Something went wrong on the mission, they never did tell me exactly what but when they returned Aria was trapped in a Force-induced coma. The Sith cultists had used some sort of dark-side spell that caused her body to trap itself in its own mind and feed on itself. They rushed her to the infirmary as quickly as possible, but the Jedi Healers told me that there was nothing that could be done to save her, the spell would claim her life.

"I refused to accept that there was nothing we could do to save her, and so I spent the whole night in the Archives accessing hundreds upon hundreds of holocrons trying to find something that could help her. It was early in the morning when I finally did find something that might work.

"It was a group spell that involved five Force-sensitives tapping into the darker corners of their minds to use their darker emotions to rip out the dark spirits affecting Aria's mind. It involved dark-side applications of the Force, but what would it matter if it could spare Aria an untimely death. So I went to the Masters with my plan."

Jax paused a second, gathering the will to continue. "They would hear nothing of using a darkside spell. They admonished me for such foolishness and claimed I needed to learn to let go. Tearfully I pleaded with them, admitting my love for her and couldn't allow her to die, hoping that seeing my sorrow would sway their minds. It didn't, as they scoffed at me for breaking the Jedi vow of celibacy, and they held me back while I slowly watched the illness drain the last of my love's life from her earthly shell."

Jax couldn't hold back the tears any longer, as a long solitary tear formed and ran down his cheek. The sorrow was clear in Jax's voice when he continued, "I lost control. My love, my reason for being had just been taking from me. I felt the rage bubble over inside me, and I reached for my saber and I...I...killed them. I killed all of the Healers that were tending to her, rage fueling my powerful swings. The Council found me meditating in a pool of their blood later that evening.

"They called an emergency meeting of the Council, and requested me presence. Bereft with grief I agreed, not caring anymore what they did to me. They told me I was a disgrace to the Jedi, and that I was no longer fit to hear the call of the Force, and the nine Jedi Masters jointly stripped the Force from me. My loss was now complete, it was like I was kicked in the gut and left for dead. Aria's death caused me to lose feeling and the Master's stole my senses, leaving me a shell of my former self. Then they took my lightsaber and destroyed it, and escorted me from the Temple."

Jax, still teary-eyed took another deep cigarra-filled inhale and looked up at his blind friend sitting across from him, "And that is how I was separated from the Jedi Order."

[Solomon Kurro]

Sol listened to the story. It was filled with sadness, anger and darkness. It held examples of the Jedi's fear of emotions, and of surrendering to the dark side's mighty sway. Frequently his philosophy on life simply wasn't enough to definitively show who followed the light, and who followed the dark. This was a classic example of such a case. Ultimately, it made little difference to Sol what people labeled it. The lightside, and the darkside were dangerous to toy with, but it was actions that ultimately made the difference. Perhaps, with love as his reason, Jax could have successfully navigated the destructive path of the shadows, and freed his love. Such speculation was pointless though, unless one wished to live in the past. Sol did not, and he didn't think that Jax did either.

Was it right for him to have slain the jedi healers? Perhaps... If they had, and would continue to block attempts to save people's lives over their petty religion. Was it right for him to do it in anger? No. Anger is a powerful, but clouding motivator for anyone to rely on. Would all of this cause Sol to treat the pilot differently? Not much.

"I'm sorry Jax...." When he said it, Sol meant he was sorry for the death of the man's beloved. Sorry that Jax had given himself over to control of his anger. Sorry that this whole galaxy seemed to be bent on destruction, often enough.

Sol could feel the emotions rolling off the other man. It was a strange sensation, to feel such things, yet not be able to fully see the source. The miraluka sat up straighter. Am I feeling him through the force? Could these emotions have allowed part of his connection to come through again? He said nothing, not knowing enough, and not wishing to raise a false hope.

"I won't judge you on the past. We are what we make of ourselves. So far, you've been the best partner I've worked with, other than Jensaari, in quite a while, and that's enough for me."

[Jax]

Jax felt an overwhelming sense of relief in sharing his story with Sol. He had never confided in anyone the story of his departure from the Order, and it felt good to get some of the guilt off of his chest. "I thank you for that," Jax said, a broad smile of relief burst onto his face. "You make one hell of a partner, and the closest thing I've had to a friend in a long time."

Leaning back in his leather chair he took another musing drag from his cigarra before continuing to talk, "We'll need to stop on Taris briefly to get some minor repairs done on the Aria. While we're there we can stop by the cantina and see if we can't figure out what that invasion fleet we saw was all about. Plus I need to buy you a drink, I owe you one for the way you took out those Mandalorian commandos back there!"